I officially resigned from my corporate job in early March after three months of unpaid leave and ten years of doing as little as possible while still appearing dedicated. Despite this, I received good reviews and was even offered opportunities to climb the corporate ladder, which I always declined.
I worked in the capital markets technology division of a major bank, tracking and analyzing raw derivatives trading data. This helped the bank make significant profits in what felt like the world’s largest casino. It was a soulless way to earn money, but the bi-weekly paycheck gave me a false sense of security. Yet, I couldn’t look myself in the mirror without feeling guilty for not doing something more meaningful with my time.
Logging into work every morning, discussing tasks I didn’t care about, and pretending to be someone I wasn’t filled me with anxiety. It was exhausting to play this shell game, and I eventually stopped caring altogether.
I felt a deep calling to do something more with my life, but the “safety and security” of the corporate job kept me trapped. The 2008 mortgage-backed securities crisis and subsequent bank bailouts should have been my wake-up call. They showed that corporate jobs, 401ks, and cash in the bank don’t provide true security. Corporations can let you go instantly, 401ks can be halved by a market crash, and USD cash is constantly devalued by inflation.
Real security comes from within, from trusting my higher self, my inner knower, which I call Innanoah. It knows what’s in my best interest and guides me towards actions that benefit everyone involved. Following its direction sometimes makes my ego uncomfortable because growth requires change. However, this inner sense of security surpasses anything the physical realm can offer because, in the end, everything in the physical world must be let go.
Nicholas
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